Depression and Reflection

There were many times I thought that I couldn't bear another day with this abyss of sadness. Many times I sat in bed all day and cried. I was told to, "Try and think happy thoughts." I needed some help to get to that point. Nobody around me understood. How can you ever explain when no words ever do? I have moments of happiness now, and I feel better about myself. The pain now is facing the last ten years of decision making on my part, and the role my depression has played. I wonder how many people out there are having this same difficulty. Is there a prison worse than being trapped in your own head? What is worse than feeling like you don't deserve to be loved?